Darling, make sure it's the vacuum-cleaner, not shoegaze.

Infinite division

It’s just a void
to be filled.
You place the hand
in the right place
in the right space
and it’s done.
But it’s not my hand
that fits
anymore.
What should I do
with all this space?
They say that heart
can be given
but how many cuts
does it take
to divide the heart
take it apart
so there’s nothing to give
anymore?
I thought I was just
a unit of dust
with nothing to give
nothing to receive
but where there was a wall
now there’s a hole
blending in with the hand that fits.
But what when the hand
gets pulled away
letting all the flood
turn to blood?
Please teach me
to make a mold
that fits into a hole
which is this heart
this infinite space
this infinity.


Mooktawan Meditation Sanctuary, Thailand, August 2015

dead men

four little white teeth sitting on my lap

three bony freudians filling up the gap

two dead men dining in my bedroom

I killed one - now there’s two

hangman gangman clayman dead man

in my navel in my cave

in my womb in my tomb

in my room in my room

in my bed in my head

my heart’s still pumping!

I’ve got no heart I forgot!

look my heart’s still pumping!

I’ve got no heart! I forgot!

heart piss pump red cry red snow

she shouted stop stop but I shouted more

one skinny dead man lying with no shoes

I killed one - now there’s two

one fake gardener levitating by and

twelve brooding chest inspectors cannot tell me why

two tepid dead men talk in my room

I killed two - and now there’s two

hangman gangman clayman dead man

in my navel in my cave

in my womb in my tomb

in my room in my room

in my bed in my head

my heart’s still pumping!

I’ve got no heart I forgot!

look my heart’s still pumping!

I’ve got no heart! I forgot!


2010

re

a man came to me
handed me a knife
and he said: now
try if it is sharp enough
so I took the knife and
cut into a piece of paper
but he said: no
not like that
you’ve got to try it
on your own finger
so I cut into my finger
a shallow wound
a bit of blood
the knife sang like a harp
and I was content
the knife was that sharp

a man came to me
handed me a gun
and he said: now
try if it is good enough
so I took the gun and
shot at some tin cans
but he said: no
not like that
you’ve got to shoot
through your own heart
so I shot through my heart
the gun screamed like a parade
a peep-hole
a blood torrent
and I was content
the gun was that efficient

2010

the x bird crosby [iets zoets]

me and jim holding hands at the gym
three bodies one soul
more green means less mean
you don’t believe in g
but g believes in you
so call to our excess pillar
so call to our pillow saint
remove everything that
stands in the way
of plush without a reason
including the mary
including the t-shirt

out of the harm’s way
out of the harm’s way’s payed for the alarm
out of the harm’s way
out of the harm’s way’s payed for the alarm
into-the-heat way
if only I knew which button I press
into-the-heat way
if only I knew I’d write an instruction book

I would send an invitation
would you send me the invitation?
 I would send an invitation
would you send me the invitation?
this is not the number
this is the number I was looking for
this is the number
this is not the number I was looking for
what you can’t find at the drugstore
you’ll find behind the candystore door
what you can’t find behind the candystore door
you’ll find at the drugstore
you’ll ask for nothing more



2010

(to my friend j.r. and some other people that I don’t know.)

we shall not overcome

I… saw him breaking his band

and I didn’t know what to do 

and I didn’t know what to do

I… saw him dead in the sand

and I didn’t know what to do

 and I didn’t know what to do

I could’ve lied in unison

could’ve said I’m Jesus’ son

could’ve killed the needle the need to feed

but I

I could’ve screamed no no no

or take my money my love and save yourself

or go coward go

but I

I didn’t know what to do

so I did what I do best

go back to bed dream me a gun

hope I wake up with a smile

but I wake up next to a

WE SHALL NOT OVERCOME

WE SHALL NOT FLY

WE SHALL NOT OVERCOME

WE SHALL NOT RISE

I… saw he’s happy at last

and I didn’t know what to do

and I didn’t know what to do

I saw… my chance coming at last

and I didn’t know what to do

and I didn’t know what to do

I… could’ve laughed in unison

could’ve screamed we love you so

is this what friends are for

but I

I… could’ve seized my happiness

should’ve wanted nothing less

could’ve said I’ll wear that dress

but I

I didn’t know what to do

so I did what I do best

go back to bed dream me a gun

hope I wake up with a smile

but I wake up next to a

WE SHALL NOT OVERCOME

WE SHALL NOT FLY

WE SHALL NOT OVERCOME

WE SHALL NOT RISE

2010

we want wilder

we’re hungry and waiting

for the bashful lemon pie layers

from our bashfully favorite deus

already discussing cryology

a solution with a twist

you’re responsible

the fire cannot be reversed

it’s free or freeze now

what good is candycane lime

when I can’t chew my way

into the sublime

what good is creamed corn crime

when I can’t bite my way

through the divine

when river m pulled back the steeds

know the man by his deeds and his belly-button

I realized that some simply are not there any more

in spite of being everywhere

that leaves me short of an autograph

a minute multiplied with forever

boy was I hungry then

but not half as hungry as now

my left and my right index fingers

discussing the suficient reverb amount

my teeth arguing with the tongue

my left eye pulsing and solo cursing

my head imagining 12 cm x 12 cm canvases

painted by painters from the land of WEN

on the porches of the houses from the town of ISIT

on the windows of the shops from the city of DEW

oscar was wild but alan is wilder

we want wilder

we want the news

we want the new

and we want it now

2010